I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
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