when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
