I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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