if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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