Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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