well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
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I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
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I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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