Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You pole danced in your parka.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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