Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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