Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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