the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
