She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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