I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
