FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
