i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
