You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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