Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
