eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
