I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
