How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
