even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
