Me too!
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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