Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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