This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
