I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Soap is not a condiment
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
pop tarts are not kleenex
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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