Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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