I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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