as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
