we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
