FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
