I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
