Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
