Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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