It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
