first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
