I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
