the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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