wakey wakey hands off snakey
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Just high enough for therapy.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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