Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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