We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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