She's JV to your varsity
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
