About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize