Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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