So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
