the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
