ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
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It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
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Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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