U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
