Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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