so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
