I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
