I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
