I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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