haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
sex in a hospital.. check
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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