Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
