My hand turned me down
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
