When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
