We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
