your room smells of hookers.
And success
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
