Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
