piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
