so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Randomize
