my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
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You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
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It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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