her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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