Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
