BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
