I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
