Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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