he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
