I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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