i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
