i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
