Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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