I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
