The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
