She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
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yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
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I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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