i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
