What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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